this is me.

2004-08-02T16:18:00.000-07:00

hello world.

- i still have no clue as to where my cell phone is. not cool.
- my parents will not be here for my birthday.
- great.
- it's not like they ever do anything for my birthday anyway.
- the big 19 is how young i will be in 14 days.
- this school year is gonna be interesting.
- i simply have no idea how i'm gonna go through the year without mel.
- the bon chon will no longer be chillin everyday.
- i hate you nursing program at msmc!!
- bastards made the bon chon leave.
- i'm thinking of transferring schools by the time i'm a junior.
- ucla looks good.
- maybe i should have gone out of state for college in the first place.
- a big FUCK YOU to all the rude motherfuckers out there.
- today hasnt been a good day.
- i need a starbucks session where i can vent over a venti with ate, andrew, and charito.

good afternoon

2004-07-30T01:15:00.000-07:00

i just got back from a lovely night out with the boyfriend. it was our 5 month anniversary yesterday [29th] so he picked me up and we had a wonderful dinner. it was just grand.

today, i went to CSULA with ate princess to check out the place since she's gonna be transferring there in the fall. that campus is pretty nice considering the fact that i thought it would look all ghetto. then we picked up andrew, had starbucks, and had a grand ol' time.

hmmm...today, i bought a sexy bikini with a matching skirt thing to wrap around after your done swimming i guess. it's kinda weird cuz i dont know when i'm gonna be using it since i never go to the beach and since i never swim. eh...i just bought it cuz it looks cute...especially the bikini top. yup...

there's drama in the air and it's not cool. gee wiz...sometimes, people just need to seriously grow up and stop talking their constant shit. don't you people have lives of your own? i completely understand that if two people are no longer friends, there tends to be a bit of tension but geezus christ if that falling out happened over a year ago, and you're still talking shit, then that must tell you something especially if you drag other people into it. that's just pathetic. bitch and complain all you want about whoever you wanna hate on but after awhile, it gets boring. cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it children. that's so high school.

anyway, i finally got that off my chest.

charles is back in town! yay!

the other night, i had a dream about Riley. it's scary how he won't leave my dreams. i seem to see his precious face everywhere i go. my beautiful Riley, rest in peace....we love you.

you know what's f u n n y? when people pretend to be drunk just to get attention. oh kiddo...come see me when i get my pHd in psych so i can see what's in that bizarre head of yours.

other news, bullet's last class is on tuesday! he will soon be a nurse and i am so excited and extremely proud of him. it'll be lovley. just lovely.

that is all. im gonna sleep. good ~~evening~~ morning. =]

2004-07-27T17:08:00.000-07:00

hello children.

man. today has been extremely b-o-r-i-n-g. i have to stay home and lay low for awhile because the parental units are upset at me for coming home really late for the past couple of days. as of right now, my dad is lecturing me and i am not listening. damn him. damn him i say.

bullet and i went on a crazy shopping spree this weekend. i bought bullet a whole outfit for his birthday and he looks crazy sexy in it. =]

i was so bored, i made a livejournal. so go here and add us as a friend.

also, a new template just cuz britney spears is so damn hot. eeewwwwwwoooooo!

okay, that is all. good afternoon.

2004-07-26T03:47:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY BULLET!

oh boyfriend, you are amazing. you're such a great person and i hope you realize that with all the letters your friends wrote you. i am so fortunate to spend the first out of many birthdays with you. i hope you had a great night tonight with all our friends. I LOVE YOU!!!

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who came tonight. it was great seeing all of you guys there. the macaroni grill will always be a special place. THANK YOU!

more exciting news....BULLET CUT HIS HAIR!!!

before...

after

damn my boyfriend is HOT!!!!

what else? oh yes...orientation was okay. my whole right arm kinda dampered my experience as a leader cuz it was hurting like no other the whole week. other than that, the freshman are cool. i just hope they take our advice. college isnt as easy as people think.

that is all. i love my boyfriend. good morning!

2004-07-19T00:32:00.000-07:00

he makes me happy. =]

2004-07-16T05:42:00.000-07:00

- i will be leaving to go to the MSMC orientation leaders training in 2 hours
- first, i have to pick up my skirts from samantha
- then i will have breakfast with bullet
- then go to school
- yesterday was fun
- valley adventures with ate princess, charito, and bullet
- ate princess is my best friend
- charito is my good friend
- we forgot to bring ANDREW yesterday
- sorry =[
- i have a dooney&bourke purse and wallet both in black [THANK YOU BOYFRIEND!]
- i love surprises
- im not into designer purses
- but my purse is just so cute it's hard to resist
- thank you again, boyfriend
- i will not be seeing bullet for 6 days
- that is the only down side of being an O-Leader
- only 10 more days till bullet's birthday
- i havent seen my dad in 4 days
- with orientation, i will not see my dad for another 6 days
- that is exciting
- i will pack now
- good morning.

i love my boyfriend. i love my friends. i love my cousins. i love my grandma. i love my uncle~~&aunt.~~ everything is good.

2004-07-15T01:02:00.000-07:00

today was awesome. after sleeping at my cousins house and being stuck in their house with nowhere to go for 2 straight days, i finally went out with bullet. i picked him up from school and met a lot of his friends. some cats there just dont know when to stop staring or giving bad looks. it's like damn girl, i know you had a crush on my boyfriend but step off biotch cuz im here to mark my territory. hahaha...how ghetto was that? ANYWAY. that was that and we went to montrose to check out some shoes and wandered the streets like typical high schoolers. we finally went into a store and we were there for almost an hour and this was what we bought:

we bought all these things today at this store in montrose made just for scrap books. bullet and i finally decided to put a scrap book together so we started off by getting the album, paper, etc...it was all really cheap. it was all under thirty bucks, which was great.

i almost forgot...bullet took this test last week determining whether or not he's gonna graduate and he got the results back on monday. out of 40 people, only 8 passed and he was one of the lucky 8. they can retake it only one more time but after that, they're gone. i hope everyone else passes...except maybe for that chick who was staring me down today. hehe =]

my boyfriend is so smart. i cant believe he's gonna be graduating in 3 weeks! he's gonna 19 and will have a career in nursing. hot damn...i got lucky with this one. =]

okay well that is all. tomorrow is hollister shopping with ate princess and charito. that 'ought to be fun.

good evening.

2004-07-10T00:49:00.000-07:00

pictures from the California ScienCenter at: this site

going to the California ScienCenter was awesome. it made me feel like a little kid again playing with all the neat gadgets. i met bullet's clinical group and they all seemed like good people. we saw the body works section, which are real human cadavoirs. they use this techinique called plastination which helps preserve the bodies. the bodies were formed so it seemed like they were doing ordinary things such as playing basketball or swimming and you can see the complexity of the human body through all the nerves, muscles, veins, arteries, etc. it was great.

then bullet and i took a romantic walk around the rose garden which was the sweetest thing ever. he makes me oh-so-very happy. =]

well that's that. im gonna sleep cuz tomorrow morning, i have to work at the west covina office and i have to be there by 8:30am. i hope there's no traffic....

good evening.

p.s.
denise said this:
II xplicit pnai: u en and ur bf are sooo hott

hehe =]

2004-07-08T05:28:00.000-07:00

eargasm: the scientist - coldplay
quotable: "i eat snails." -jake

good ~~evening~~ morning everyone. it's about 5:30am and i havent slept. i got home from bullet's house around 3:30am and i havent been able to sleep since. maybe it's cuz i slept there...nonetheless, i need to "get up" by 6:30 to go with bullet and his clinical group to a museum. im so excited...maybe that's why i cant sleep...

today, i went to school to get my work study stuff settled and sammie went with me. then we went to visit providence st. joseph medical center so i can say hello to the nurses there. i used to volunteer there about 2 summers ago everyday and i got pretty close to the nurses. =]

anyway, that was that and so we went to pick up bullet and we ate at HOOTERS in burbank. i must say...the girls there arent as hot as the ones in santa monica. maybe i should work at hooters...hmmm. haha...i think if i did, my parents would kill me.

took sammie home and then i chilled at bullet's house. his mom gave me a really cute pair of BCBG shoes. i loooove it.

then we watched the national geographic channel. i swear...that channel along with animal planet and discovery are the best channels ever! they're so educational and entertaining all at the same time.

you know that type of feeling you get when you just cant stop smiling? or when youre driving all by yourself and you think of something or someone and out of nowhere, you'll begin laughing and smiling? or...the feeling of just being...in love. i just wanna say that bullet is such a great guy. geez...he's so loving and so passionate about our relationship. i'm so lucky to have him as my boyfriend and he's an overall great guy. he's good to his friends and family and especially to me. i love the fact that we are able to talk and work things out when there's a minor glitch. *siiiiiigh* that boyfriend of mine is amazing.

enough of this corny stuff. i think i'm getting sleepy now. good ~~night~~ morning everyone!!

2004-07-06T09:25:00.000-07:00

my 4th of july weekend was great.

i spent half of the day with my relatives in ontario and this time, bullet came along. then my parents stayed over as bullet and i left to spend the other half with his family. when we got to his house, no one was there except his grandma and mom. everyone left...

bullet's mom and i had one of those meaningful conversations. she's so wonderful. she always starts a conversation with me and we talk for at least 10 minutes everytime im there. wonderful.

then bullet and i head to his room and we watch tv until whenevers. i fall asleep and next thing you know, it's time to go home!

yesterday, bullet and i went shopping. i picked out a lot of nice clothes for bullet and he looks damn sexy.

i wanna go to the poetry lounge tonight. who wants to come?

2004-07-05T22:32:00.000-07:00

Love Like
by Shihan

I want a love like me
thinking of you
thinking of me
thinking of you type love,
or me telling my friends more than I've ever admitted to
myself about how I feel about you type love,
or hating how jealous you are,
but loving how much you
want me all to your self type love,
or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name,
and shit, I wanted to see how far I could get without
calling you,
and I barely made it out of my garage.

See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls
asleep
then wonder if she dreaming about us being in love
type love,
or who loves the other more,
or what she's doing at this exact moment,
or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the
music of our hearts,
closing my eyes and imagining how a love like this
could just hurt so much when she's not there.
Shit, I love not knowing where this love is headed type love.
And check this, I want to place those little post-it notes
all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love
then not have enough ink in my pen to write
all there is to love about her type love.

Hope that I make her feel as good as she makes me feel,
I want her to distract me form whatever I'm doing type love
and I want to deal with my friends making fun of me the
way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love.
Only difference is
this is one of those real love type loves.
and just like in high school, I want to spend hours
on the phone with her not saying anything,
then fall asleep
then wake up with HER right next to me,
and smell her all up in my covers type love

I want to try to counting the ways I love her, and then
lose count in the middle just so that I have to start all
over again type love
I want to celebrate one of those month anniversaries even
though they ain't really anniversaries, but doin' it just
cause it makes her happy type love.
And I want ot break down the time we spend together
into seconds just so it sounds lilke we spend more time together type love
And check this, I want fall in love with the melody the
phone plays when her number is dialed into it type loves
and then talk to her until I lose my breathe,

she leaves me breathless,
but with the expanding of my lungs
I
inhale all of her back into me
I want a love that makes me need to change
my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer
because, in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them
high cell phone bill type loves.
I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are
I mean the lines on my palms don't give me enough time
to love her as long as I'd like to type loves,
and I want a love that makes me st-st-st-st-stutter just thinking
about how strong this love is type love.

I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair
Well, maybe not all of the hair
maybe just cut the split ends and trim my mustache, but
it will still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her.

And check this, I kinda feel comfortable now, so I can tell y'all this
I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light
just dying to get hit by a car
just so I could lose my memory
get transported to some third world country
just to get treated
then somehow meet up again with you
so that I could fall in love with you in a different language
to see if it still feels the same type love.
I want a love that's as unexplainable as she is,
but I'm married,
so she is going to be the one that I share this love with.

2004-07-01T21:37:00.000-07:00

happy july everyone!

so yesterday, i, along with the group [gani, nicole, jp, vince, david, and of course bullet] watched spiderman 2 at winnetka. the line was so long...it was a pretty good movie though. out of nowhere, i saw dwaine and i got all excited cuz i havent seen him since last year! good golly...after the movie, it was already 1am and so we parted our separate ways and bullet and i chilled some more until i went home around 3am. it was a good night.

today, i spent it with ate princess and andrew. it was good to spend time with them again...just the three of us like the good ol' days. we also went shopping and got a lot of good deals. muahaha...it was great.

except...when we went into baby gap and i got sad.

i got a call about another job offer today that pays really, really well. i sent over my resume so i hope they call me and ask me to start working.

goodbye to my job in pasadena.

i cant believe it's july already. that means orientation week for the freshmen is just weeks away. that also means bullet's birthday is coming up and that also means school starts next month.

summer, you're fun.

good evening.

2004-06-29T18:01:00.000-07:00

happy four month anniversary boyfriend

hot diggity damn! four months already? gee wiz baps, it's great to know i have you by my side. i love you like bees love to follow me and sting me. no? okay, just kidding. but keep it close cuz i love you like thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much and even more!

conversation worth remembering:
lucky panda says: congrats angela and bullet.
lucky panda says: 4 months geez louise. where'd you meet him?
lucky panda says: you guys are like models. it's kinda gross. :-P
angela is spiffy: models? how so?
lucky panda says: cause you both are cute.
lucky panda says:haha
lucky panda says:like outrageously goodlooking.

you read that?! we're cute damn it. hahaha..thanks, kit kat!

so at exactly midnight, bullet stops by my house with his little present for me. he got me a box [a very nice box might i add] full of airheads [i love airheads] and 29 ring pops. 29 because that's the day we got together and ring pops because well, that's just our candy. he wrote all over the box too with little sayings and cute little drawings. it was the best. he chilled here for awhile and then sneaked out like mission impossible style and went home. what a good way to start off our anniversary.

i went to my cousin's 6th grade graduation today. hot dog...that ceremony was long. in the middle of the ceremony, some armenian guy pushes his way through our row kicking my mom, grandma, and me and plops his smelly ass next to my mom. let me tell you...this guy reeked. i was 3 seats away and i could smell his body odor. it made me want to vomit...it smelled like old cheese and milk that has been sitting out in the sun for more than a year mixed in with sweaty feet and old people penis. it was gross.

then afterwards, i got into not one but two fights with armenian people. another reason i ~~dont really like~~ hate living in glendale: the armenians. those motherfuckers are so rude.

the first incident was when i was taking a picture and they wouldnt move out of the way and i asked them nicely to move 3 times. finally, they move and give me a dirty look and say something extremely offensive and so i replied, "i asked you to move 3 times. maybe if you understood english, you'd move the first time i asked you to." i know that was a bit wrong but shit! you dont go around cussing me out in front of my family. the she walked away and gave me the bird. wonderful.

next incident, i was going out of the parking lot when a guy gets out of his car, stands in front of my car and wouldnt let me move until the person driving his car went in front of me and 20 other people to get out. i beeped and told him what he was doing was rude and told me in a heavy accent, "it's a free country you bitch! stop honking!" that little motherfucker...so he starts cussing at me and we go at it for awhile. my mom suggested i call the cops and i did. muahaha...and that fucker gets pulled over for "road rage." dont mess with me bitch or i'm gonna come after your ass.

i dont know if it's all armenians or just some but every armenian i've encountered has been rude. they barely come to this country and they have this mentality that they own the place by breaking laws and telling people off like they were the fucking president and shit.

i'm so disgusted right now.

well that was my day. now i'm off to have dinner with bullet at islands.

i hate glendale. someone take me away from this armenian infested city.

2004-06-28T20:05:00.000-07:00

eargasm: my boo - alicia keys&usher
quotable: "are you sure you have a license cuz you look so young!" -random mexican guy on the street

i was driving my cousins home and making a right on verdugo when a random guy kept staring at us while he was crossing the street. i turned back and even after he crossed the street, he kept staring. i yelled out, "what's your problem?!" and he replied, "do you have a license?" and i got bit irritated...what was he? a fucking cop or something? and i replied, "yeah...why?" and he said, "are you sure you have a license cuz you look so young! like youre 13!" i started to laugh and kept telling him im 18 soon to be 19 years old. he finally walked away.

THEN! the people on my left kept staring cuz of course, they're nosey and told me, "you really do look young. when's your birthday?" i told them and even they kept telling me how young i looked.

damn...do i really look that young? because i thought with my hair flipped out, i looked just a wee bit older. damn.

i spent my day looking for a pet turtle. i couldnt find any. i have decided to name my soon-to-be pet turtle, squirt. squirt...where are you?

up to this very day, the movie, the notebook is still on my mind. that's such a romantic movie...i want to watch it again. who wants to come with me?

good evening.

2004-06-27T22:34:00.000-07:00

happy 19th birthday lauren

!
you little nerd...i hope you had a blast on the day of your actual birthday. love you mucho grande my little seniorita.

so lastnight was laurens party. saw the usual valley kids and some other people i havent seen in ages. it was grand. the boys played texas hold'em while hollie, mel, and me started dancing the night away. overall, it was an awesome party. hella far...but hey, it was worth it.

bullet and i finally got home around 2am and i slept over his casa. i knocked out in the car and knocked out once i got on bullet's bed. we woke up and watched The Notebook. that is a damn good movie. it's so romantic...then we headed back to his house and his brother, alann, took us out to watch white chicks. pretty funny...two movies in one day! bullet and i owe alann a movie. muahaha...

so now i'm home. i havent been home since 5pm yesterday and my parents werent mad. good stuff.

today, bullet got me a Chococat license plate holder, key chain, decal, air freshener, and windshield covers. it's all Chococat! my windshield cover is so cute!!! now my car is full of chococat stuff. my car is so darn cute...just like my boyfriend. thank you for today, boyfriend! i had the best time. =]

onward to bed. i'm tired. good evening.

2004-06-24T22:59:00.000-07:00

eargasm: if i aint got you remix - alicia keys
quotable: "18?? you look like your 15!!" -random patient

happy 17th birthday sammie!!

ive known sammie for five whole years. or is that six now? i love you, little sister. you're the apple of my fruit basket!

i guess being nice pays off cuz today, my boss gave me a bonus. he handed me a check for a large amount with my name on it. i was a bit bewildered because it wasnt payday but he then explained that he was giving me this check in gratitude. he said i'm an "excellent" worker and blah blah blah. i was so happy to receive it. that's extra money in my pocket! =]

just got back from a starbucks escapade with ate princess and charito. did some catching up and all that good stuff. it's funny how now that we're older, we chill at coffee joints and just talk. it's awesome...we've been doing that for awhile now...good stuff.

anyway, tomorrow is another day full of work. work all day and all night. good shit. good evening.

2004-06-22T22:55:00.000-07:00

eargasm: baby phat - deLa soul
quotable: "you've been working for almost 12 hours. how can you not be tired?" -my dad

i love this song. it's so old yet so good. it puts me in a happy mood.

today, i work all day. i left my house at 8:30am to get to work by 9 and got off at 4:30pm only to rush back to glendale to get to my other job by 5:00pm. i must admit, it was a pretty hectic day. my job in pasdena has been pretty crazy cuz we're having an open house tomorrow thru friday and we have patients one after the other. i'm gonna be working overtime for the next three days then rushing back to glendale to go to my other job. ah...what money can do to you.

i got home around 9:15pm from my other job and my feet were killing me. walking/running around in heels for almost 12 hours is not fun. i repeat...it is not fun.

i also got my paycheck today and they took almost $80 off my check. DAMN YOU TAXES! you lousy piece of useless shit.

lastnight, i saw bullet. we got into a misunderstanding and i went over to his house to apologize only to find out he was at the park about to go to my house. geez! great minds think alike. it was funny...i love my boyfriend. he's wonderful.

okay, time to sleep cuz tomorrow is another 12 hour shift from one job to another. sarcasm starts here. i love my summer...dont you? sarcasm ends here.

2004-06-20T18:39:00.000-07:00

eargasm: shimmy shimmy quarter turn - hellogoodbye
quotable: "he's regretting it" -jessica

happy father's day kids! i took my parents out to the Proud Bird Restaurant by LAX and that place is really nice. they have old airplanes from WWI and WWII as well as the Vietnam war. It was quite fascinating. I think my dad really enjoyed it cuz after all, he fought in the Vietnam War. It was really expensive [$26.95 a person] but it's okay. My parents deserve me treating them out once in awhile. hehe...

i'm very disappointed in someone right now...but then again, i suppose it's my fault. my theory is, you should never expect too much from someone unless you want to set yourself up for disappointment. when your standards are low and there's a time when they do something stupid, you wont get hurt or even disappointed in them, thus, resulting in a good day for the both of you. call me a pessimist for all i care but it's true...i guess i fucked up on myself for expecting too much from this person. never again.

lastnight, i went to max's house for his little bbq. it was literally a cock fest cuz i was the only girl. mel and tricia stopped by but they weren't there long. all they did all night was play texas hold'em. i was bored out my mind until i fell asleep then bullet and i went home.

okay that is all. im gonna go to my cousins house. good evening

2004-06-16T22:28:00.001-07:00

Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
Oh I, Oh I've
Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right

At this point in my life
I've done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
If you put your trust in me I hope I won't let you down
If you give me a chance I'll try

You see it's been a hard road the road I'm traveling on
And if I take your hand I might lead you down the path to ruin
I've had a hard life I'm just saying it so you'll understand
That right now, right now, I'm doing the best I can

At this point in my life
At this point in my life
Although I've mostly walked in the shadows
I'm still searching for the light
Won't you put your faith in me
We both know that's what matters
If you give me a chance I'll try

You see I've been climbing stairs but mostly stumbling down
I've been reaching high always losing ground
You see I've been reaching high but always losing ground
You see I've conquered hills but I still have mountains to climb
And right now right now I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life

At this point in my life
At this point in my life
I'd like to live as if only love mattered
As if redemption was in sight
As if the search to live honestly
Is all that anyone needs
No matter if you find it

You see when I've touched the sky
The earth's gravity has pulled me down
But now I've reconciled that in this world
Birds and angels get the wings to fly
If you can believe in this heart of mine
If you can give it a try
Then I'll reach inside and find and give you
All the sweetness that I have
At this point in my life
At this point in my life

at this point in my life - tracy chapman

tonight, like the rest of the other nights, i continue to dwell upon the mistake i have made and have continuously been drowning in a sea of regret. i'm young and stupid and im allowed to make mistakes right? i can be forgiven...but why do i feel as though hope has diminished from my life?

i've never been so miserable in my life...Lord, help me and guide me in the right direction...

in the meanwhile, i took this off val's journal.

Your Love Life by lpfloatsmyboat
Name/username/nickname:
favorite color:
best physical quaility:	teeth
best personality trait:	you don't follow the croud
will you marry your bf/gf that you have now?	yes!
when will you get married?	April 18, 2010
your kiss is:	mixed messages
People date you because:	you're cute

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

good evening.

2004-06-14T00:41:00.000-07:00

i hate when i cant sleep...especially since i have to get up at 7:30 am to go to work. blah.

this weekend was mediocre.

beautiful Riley passed away on Saturday. the same night, i had a dream about him and couldnt hold back my tears. I guess the cliche, "you really dont know what you've got until it truly is gone" is painfully true.

i wish i could go back into time.

to help with the passing of Riley, bullet kept me company the whole weekend. today, i went to his house and we made brownies. hehe...it was cute. we put a crap load of stuff in it like cookies, marshmallows, sprinkles, etc. and i honestly thought the brownie would be crappy but it ended up to be pretty yummy.

yesterday, we watched Saved. Mandy Moore didnt look so hot in that movie...the movie was pretty good so go watch it.

i started my job on friday. i had training for one day when i should be trained for at least three days. that job isnt as easy as i thought. i guess it's cuz it's my first time dealing with patients and insurance with medicare and medical and blah blah blah. i dont know the difference and im scared im gonna screw up. friday morning was a complete disaster but everything calmed down after noon.

i think getting red highlights is the in thing now. everyone seems to be getting them...interesting. lauren and melissa were probably the first ones i know who got them first...at least this year. anyway, random thought. i just saw quite a few people with red highlights this weekend.

okay...that is all. im gonna try to sleep. good evening

2004-06-10T23:29:00.000-07:00

good evening readers!

today was well spent with my lovely cousins. they bring me such happiness. it never ceases to amaze me how these four children under the age of thirteen can entertain me in such a manner that no one else can. utterly amazing, i tell you.

i start my job tomorrow. im quite excited...it's an actual full-time job. all my life, i've worked part-time and now...i will be working the other half! muahaha...

i have so many things to pay for so it's essential that i begin work as soon as possible. my cell phone bill is phenomenal. i use my cell more than my house phone. a house phone? what's that?

i also need to pay for the maintenance of my car...

and start earning money to buy my books for school...

so before i leave, i will leave you wonderful people with a thought that i have embedded in my mind:

growing up isnt so fun anymore...

2004-06-08T18:15:00.000-07:00

happy birthday angel!!!

there's this one particular girl who's getting on my nerves. i was talking to an old friend and he was telling me all the stupid things she was doing when she was drunk and it's like...WHAT THE FUCK?! and to add to that, she's like...in love with my friend who totally disgusts her. damn it...that dark skinned, white lipped, nasty little slut. uggghhhh! ahhh! people like her should just move away to a little island and not taint the rest of the world with her presence.

so summer is a bummer. hahaha...okay not really. i'm just having one of those days when i'm really irritated at everything and everyone. blah.

i got a new job! i'll be working at a corporate office in pasadena everyday, except weekends, from 9-4:30. good stuff. i'm happy bout my new job because they pay really well. mmm..i love money. haha...

i couldnt go to palm springs with peter and the rest of the gang cuz i had work at my old job. blah...i heard it was a blast though. we'll get together soon my darlings....perhaps this weekend =]

this weekend was awesome. it was jesca's debut and all those practices paid off. bullet did really well and his family was proud of him. after jesca's, bullet and i headed over to sean's house to karaoke and i finally headed home around 3am. gooooood shit.

sunday, i had work all day....from 8am-5pm. i was dying of boredom.

i havent had much of a will to blog. i need to wash my car but most importantly, i need an oil change. i was supposed to do it 5000 miles and my mileage is close to 7000 and i still havent gotten it changed. DAMN IT!

uhmm...that is all. good evening.

2004-06-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

so you guys wanna know something funny? of course you do!

so yesterday, i took my grandma somewhere and i parked on the street and being in a hurry, i didnt bother to look at the signs. i did find it kinda odd how no one else was parked on the street. nonetheless, i parked my car there anyway.

as i got out of the car, i noticed people parking behind me so that made me feel better. the guy who parked behind me yelled out, "i wanted to park here earlier...i was just waiting for someone to park before me!" i mumbled, "okay buddie" and walked away.

10 minutes later, i come back out to leave and i noticed a whole row of cars parked behind me so that made me feel even better.

i also noticed some type of "flyer" on everyone's car. i went to my windsheild and to my surprise, it was a parking ticket!!! and EVERYONE WHO PARKED AFTER ME GOT ONE TOO!

i love being a trendsetter...dont you? =]

2004-06-02T19:32:00.000-07:00

eargasm: ender will save us all - dashboard confessional

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PETER

you're such a great guy and i hope you get everything you wish for. i miss you pita bread...hope to see you soon!

i miss you too sammie.

for some odd reason, i feel down. oh the irony of life. what's wrong with me?! perhaps it's this little predicament i've gotten myself into. i know i should be elated but the reality of it is, that i feel the complete opposite. there isnt a day when i don't think of what may happen in the near future and i'm utterly petrified of the inevitable aftermath.

onto a much lighter note...

i had two job interviews today. they both look really good but i'm leaning towards one job more than the other. they both pay really well also. i also have another job interview tomorrow morning so we'll see about that.

i miss the BON CHON.

good evening

2004-06-01T18:05:00.000-07:00

so this week should be exciting. why? well because i have TWO job interviews this week. i'm damn excited...wish me luck everyone!

moving on...

ive been at bullet's house everyday since friday. we had practice for hours during the weekend. i wanted to die. just kidding. i'd leave really early and come home really late, which resulted with me not seeing my dad practically the whole weekend. but anyhow, on sunday, i spent a lot of time talking to his mom and aunt while bullet was engrossed in a video game. they're so sweet.

bullet's mom was telling me all these stories of family outings and i got a bit lonely. i'm so envious of people who have huge families and who constantly go out with each other...you know...families that are actually happy. my family isnt like that at all. shit...i'm lucky if my parents even strike a conversation with me. nonetheless, bullet's mom and aunt reassured me that whenever they go on a trip, that i should come along since i'm "part of the family now."

i even got to hold an actual conversation with bullet's older brother. this whole time, i thought he hated me but i guess not. haha...he's a cool guy.

i still havent talked to my mom. it's sad...i wanted to cry today because here we are, under the same roof, yet we manage to not utter a single word to each other. i tried talking to her today but she didnt answer. i know she heard me because i was less than a foot away from her. oh well...

it's hot and im gonna shower now. good day

2004-05-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

eargasm: vindicated - dashboard confessional
quotable: "angela, you're all types of funky" -melissa

first things first!

happy anniversary boyfriend!!

i have been overwhelmingly blessed to be constantly graced with your presence. it's been a glorious three months and i cant wait to spend the next trillion hours, minutes, and seconds with you.

i love you.

so yesterday, bullet got off clinicals early so i headed to his house, picked up his cousin, and watched the day after tomorrow with a couple friends [jeuz, abe, vince, godfrey, jp, gani, john, chris, raisa, tricia, jeanna]. the movie is pretty good...it kinda freaked me out just a wee bit but it's okay.

bullet and i seperated from the rest of the group and went to fryes. how come at fryes, they have all these weird statues and such? i kept thinking about it while we were there. it's absolutely mind-boggling.

then we headed to his house again and ate some good soup. i tucked bullet in, kissed him good night, and headed home.

today, i have debut practice again. the debut is next week and i'm scared im gonna mess up.

my mom is still getting on my nerves. we havent spoken to each other in a good four days. let's see how long this bullshit will go on.

okay...that is all. i'm gonna go eat now. good day, everyone!

2004-05-27T12:24:00.000-07:00

eargasm: two wrongs - wyclef feat. claudette
quotable: "so how do you expect to pay for this?" -lady

yesterday, bullet came by after his clinicals. he always comes by and he never calls me before he leaves so by the time he gets here, im still in my pj's and i get a phone call saying, "hi honey im here!" oh geez...that boyfriend of mine is so random. so we went around and went this place then back to my casa to eat dinner. good stuff.

my parents are really beginning to get on my nerves. especially my mom. i absolutely cannot stand to be around her. okay maybe i can ocassionally but she just finds every reason to get mad at me. once i wake up, the first thing i hear is her complaining about something that maybe completely irrelevant to me but since i'm the only one home, she'll take it out on me. FUCK! it's driving me crazy. i usually stay quiet but there are times when i actually say what's on my mind and then BOOM! world war III has begun.

i asked her today, "mom, why do you always find some reason to get mad at me?" and she said some things that really....sucked. i guess that question opened pandora's box, to say the least. now she isnt talking to me, but then again, when does she actually talk to me instead of at me?

then there's my dad. oh that white man will never understand an eighth of how small he makes me feel.

i know they love me but it wouldnt hurt to hear it from them once in awhile. it's been so long since they've said, "i love you"...and to be quite honest, i cant remember the last time they said that to me...and that my friends, is one of the things that continue to hurt me.

mom and dad, why are you so mean?

2004-05-25T23:35:00.000-07:00

eargasm: selfish - slum village

today, i went to visit bullet. we went to exxon's house to bid him farewell since he left to go to the philippines tonight for 9 months. we eventually left and we spent some alone time together and then headed back to his house to practice the dance for jesca's debut. overall, it was a good day!

a lot of my friends are going thru some shitty situations and i cant help but feel bad for them especially when i cant help them in any way. im there to listen but i feel useless when i cant give them any advice that would somehow lift their spirits or give them an ounce of hope to look forward to. my friends, i love you and you guys can rely on me to listen. i will happily be your verbal punching bag. =]

my parents are slowly eating away my sanity.

me: this is why i hate coming home...all you do is complain about what i do even if i'm doing my best
mom: then dont go home! move out! i dont care!
me: i bet you dont
mom: all you do is cause problems when youre at home. move out! go! i dare you
--i walk away--

my parents are whack.

i miss bullet. good night.

2004-05-23T12:18:00.000-07:00

eargasm: talk about our love - brandy feat kanye west
quotable: "you guys are so cute" -lauren

yesterday, bullet and i went to debut practice for jesca's little debut. bullet and i are partners and i swear...he's soooooo cute when he's dancing. "is it counter clockwise or clockwise?" that's all i heard from bullet. lol...he gets so technical with the steps. poor guy, he's trying his best and i love it because it's so damn cute. =]

then we headed to lauren's casa which was 25711054574 miles away. on the way there, bullet and i talked about silly things and it's so weird how we think exactly alike....especially when it came to certain beliefs or people. lol...boyfriend, you're the greatest!

we got to lauren's and it was real chill. it felt good to see the bon chon again. even though it's only been a week, i still missed them like crazy. as usual, the boys were playing texas hold'em and yeah...the only one i didnt see was KRIS. i wonder why. sheesh...anyhow bullet and i were talking to lauren outside and then peter joined in. lauren, just remember what we told you. =]

moving on, i havent talked to rhena in a couple days. she's so sweet. she calls me everyday to check up on me. what a gal...i love her.

another person who always calls to check up on me is mel. MEL I MISS YOU...bestie, we need to go out soon. i havent seen you in a week and im going through withdrawals!!

okay, that is all. i have an job interview tomorrow. wish me luck! good day, everyone!

p.s.
i changed my layout because i was bored. hope you guys like!

2004-05-22T13:04:00.000-07:00

eargasm: i still love you - 702 feat pharell
quotable: "ate, why is mommy so mean to you?" -kaela

this week was pretty good. on thursday, bullet and i spent the whole day together. he didnt have school so he came by my house at 7:30 am to pick me up and to go somewhere. it was great. i must admit, what we did was pretty damn spontaneous...that boyfriend of mine...he never ceases to amaze me. i finally went home around midnight. it was one of the best days ever...boyfriend, you make me so happy. =]

friday, took my grandma to the doctor blah blah blah...i got into a little disagreement with my mom. things were said that i know she doesnt mean so i left the house and went to bullet's casa. once again, he had no school so it was perfect. we rented a dvd from blockbuster and bullet now has his own blockbuster card that's under both of our names. hahaha...then we went home, watched the movie, i messed around with his computer, had a funny talk with his mom about elevators, ate dinner that his grandma cooked, messed around even more, we watched more tv and bullet fell asleep on my lap then i eventually went home. good times.

tonight is lauren's shindig at her place and i really wanna go but i dont think i'll end up going cuz i have debut practice until 8. hmm.....

BON CHON....i miss you guys =|

okay...that is all. im gonna nap before practice. good day, everyone =]

2004-05-18T00:11:00.000-07:00

eargasm: a goodnight's sleep - starting line

today was first day of summer vacation. it feels weird being at home on a weekday.

bullet helped me move everything out of my dorm on sunday, the parentals didnt even bother to help so it was just bullet and me. we moved everything out right on time and was able to fit everything in both our cars. good stuff. that boyfriend of mine...he's always so good to me. thank you boyfriend!

i spent some time with rhena today. we talked and caught up so that's always cool. i knew i could rely on her to be there for me. she's such an awesome friend. i also saw the boys again. they're so energetic that it makes me want to laugh for no reason sometimes.

today, someone forgot about me and it really hurt. i was really shocked when he/she actually admitted to it but oh well. it happens i guess but it just hurt more cuz it was coming from the one person ileast expected it from.

im gonna sleep uneasy tonight and i wish you were here to lay next to me while telling me that everything is gonna be alright...

2004-05-15T07:24:00.000-07:00

eargasm: could this be love - janet jackson
quotable: "this the first night we're actually all together..." -lauren

freshman year in college is over and i must say, it was quite an adventure. from the final closure of my endless drama with earl to the change in my major, it has been a remarkable rollercoaster. this year was full of laughter, smiles, tears, secrets, and little moments that cause me to smile out of nowhere.

academically, this school kicked my ass. one rule i learned: never procrastinate in college. okay...maybe its something i found out i shouldnt do but i know that im still gonna be procrastinating the rest of my college years here at MSMC and even when i go to grad school. hah...procrastination continues to be my best friend!

i changed my major and that's been a gigantic step towards my adulthood. why? because i did it all on my own...without the knowledge or approval of my parents. nursing is still something i admire but the classes werent making me happy anymore...eh..oh well.

throughout this year, i met some of the greatest people in the world. BON CHON, you guys have been the best support system ever. the girls have never failed to be there for me when i needed someone to lean on and the boys were always there to make me laugh while they constantly supported me when i "hated" someone assuring me that yes, they will kick his/her ass. hehe...

from our nights of studying...or should i say...cramming together to our outings, you guys have made my year 10x better with your presence. it's gonna be kinda weird not seeing you guys every, single day but like we said, we will make time for each other.

we spent our last night having dinner at cpk. it was awesome. we were all together and it was just great looking around the table and seeing everyone's face. even justine came and that was a first. richie was gonna go but by the time he finished eating with his girlfriend, we were gonna go so i told him not to go anymore. oh richie...it would have been good if he made it but at least he tried, which in our book, is good enough. dinner was full of laughs and there wasnt a silent moment. it was awesome...bon chon, i love you!

another thing that happened this year was when i met bullet. ever since earl and i broke up, we always had something lingering between us. it's like...despite all the shit we went through, we'd still keep coming back to each other even though both of us knew it was bad. there were tears shed constantly and it just wasnt right anymore. then we finally found our own lives. i met bullet and he showed me how it felt like to be genuinely happy. he's taught me so many things and because of him, i've learned to loosen up when it came to relationships but most importantly, through his patience and understanding, i've learned how to trust.

earl and i are still friends but we finally reached that undertanding that we have our own thing now. i have bullet and he has...a lot of girls. lol...that pimp. but nonetheless, earl is still one of my good friends and bullet is my forever boyfriend.

so my freshman year has come to a close and it's been one hell of a ride but if i was asked if i would and could do it again, i'd gladly say no and go to the next ride which is called sophomore year.

2004-05-12T11:55:00.000-07:00

eargasm: beween you and me - the ataris
quotable: "how about you come with us to the philippines?" -bullet's mom

i took my first final today, which was for english. it wasnt too bad. i finished my essay in 45 minutes and i even fell asleep a couple times while writing it. hehehe...

i have my music final at 330...that should be easy too. my last final will be tomorrow and then im done with freshmen year. W O W...

lastnight, i went to bullet's house and he helped me study for microbio...well kinda...i couldnt concentrate cuz all i wanted to do was write on him with high lighters and make him laugh. bullet is not a good study buddy! i repeat...bullet is not a good study buddy! well, i guess he is but not with me cuz all i wanna do is play around. hehehe...

i also spent some time with his mom and we watched Mimay's video. i saw bullet dance. it was really cute =] then we got into a conversation about going back to the philippines for a vacation and bullet's mom asks me to go with them!!! i was like...WHAT?! crazy...so im gonna be spending christmas with bullet's family...in the philippines. oh what?!!! =]

for the past few days, my stomach has been hurting hard core...gee wiz.

something is kinda bothering me but i'm sure that in the end, it's gonna end up being completely trivial.

i miss my boyfriend...hmph...

okay...break time is over! gotta study. muahaha...or maybe not. blah. have a good day, everyone =]

2004-05-11T01:10:00.000-07:00

yup...here i am at one o'clock in the morning studying for my microbio final, which i can take either tomorrow, wednesday, or thursday...but i think i'm gonna take it tomorrow just to get it over with..

microbiology is such an interesting subject...there's a lot of stuff to know but eh...i guess it's all worth knowing in the long run.

my weekend was great...friday night at dockweiler, saturday with bullet, sunday with the family, and sunday night with bullet. i had so much fun and i must admit, it was one of the few weekends when i came home that my parents and i didnt fight. it's a wonderful feeling.

i posted more pictures so take a look at that if you people are bored.

on sunday, i got into a little incident with a crazy driver. i was so scared...he kept telling me to pull over and that little bastard even followed me on the freeway. what a jackass. he even spat on my newly hand-washed car. bastard guy...i hope a million birds poop on his car.

i love washing my car...it takes me a good hour and a half but it's worth it. i like playing with water and soap and i get all happy when i see my car covered in bubbly soap. hahaha

okay...break time is over. back to the memorazation of my diseases! anyone wanna join me? =]

2004-05-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

nice guys do finish last. after all, that's what happened to bullet.

so like you said, the nice guy always finishes last but what you, my friend, have to realize is that it's a damn shame you're gonna finish first.

ignorance is bliss.

2004-05-06T19:53:00.000-07:00

eargasm: loving you - alicia keys
quotable: "i'm really gonna miss you, angela" -kendra

so i took my microbiology lab final exam today. not too shabby considering the fact that i started studying 2 hours before the actual exam. i think i did pretty well except for the last question, which i spent a good 30 minutes on. however, my professor looked at my answer and my organism is the right genus but not species. eh...close enough i guess.

lastnight, the boyfriend came over and helped me pack some of my stuff since move out day is next week. bullet is such an awesome guy...we had so much fun lastnight. there wasnt a moment when we werent laughing. he's such a comedian and he never fails to make me smile.

tomorrow night is the FASA social at dockweiler and that's gonna be awesome. the boyfriend is gonna be coming along also so that should be even more awesome. hahaha...i just cant wait.

okay..friends is gonna be on so time to go to lauren's room to watch. toodles noodles!

2004-05-04T13:26:00.000-07:00

eargasm: best of me - the starting line
quotable: "we were on fire this morning" -claudia

so it's finally may. this is the last week of classes and next week is final exam week. i cant believe school is coming to an abrupt stop. sheesh...freshman year, where'd you go?

lots of stuff happened over the weekend. kaela celebrated her First Communion and that was grand. the family went to eat afterwards then bullet and i spent some alone time after lunch and watched Kill Bill 2. good stuff...then we wandered the mall and watched the high school's play. good stuff...good stuff.

hmm..im just trying to kill time because my suitemate [the girl i share the bathroom with] is taking forever in the bathroom and i need to take a shit. damn it...

so this morning, there was a fire in the carondelet center. i heard fire engines, ambulances, and helicopters this morning but i could have sworn i was dreaming. eh...guess not. good thing no one is injured though..

hmmm...i went with bullet lastnight to shop for a mother's day gift for his mama...it was so cute. i love spending time with him...by the time i went home, it was 3am...oh how time flies when you're having fun.

okay, she's finally outta the bathroom. muahahaha...till then...

2004-04-29T15:21:00.000-07:00

hi, my name is angela and i really really really really really want a

Green Apple iPod Mini.

santa clause, easter bunny, fairy godmother, please give it to me. thank you. the end

2004-04-28T23:28:00.000-07:00

eargasm: embers and envelopes - mae
quotable: "please dont let me go..."

today...sucked.

hmmm...i feel like a bum.

there's only one more week of class and i'm quite excited. summer is approaching and you know what that means! even more school! oh summer school...PCC is the happening place to be this summer.

charles is off and gone...the navy has him now. he wont be back for a good while and i'm so sad. i couldnt even see him the weekend before he left...at least i talked to him but still being in person means so much more. cant it be like when we were 7 and all we did was play freeze tag? oh charles...i miss you.

talked to best friend andrew. he's such a great person and i hate how someone treats him. he/she doesnt even deserve to be friends with andrew because he/she...or should i say it treats andrew like crap. usually, i dont butt into stuff like this but when people start messing with my friends...especially my best friend, it's over bitch! and...it's freakishly scary how it knows so much shit about andrew and me...especially this one particular secret. you damn weirdo...

i was supposed to visit bullet tonight and watch a movie at his casa but i ended up not going...now i regret it because i miss him even more. he also has a bad headache and i wish i was there to take care of the poor boy...aww sheesh...

im gonna sleep now...good night world

2004-04-21T12:17:00.000-07:00

hmmm...i feel kinda blah. it's as though i'm sitting still as the whole world is passing me by...

i feel like an outsider looking in...someone let me in.

i seriously cant allow my insecurities to get the best of me...but i have to admit, it's quite difficult for them not to. there isnt a day when i dont doubt my ability to perform a certain task. i need guidance. maybe i need to befriend God again...

the male friend is always good to me...i wish i can see him right now just so i can give him a big hug...that would make me feel so much better. bullet, i miss you.

i havent talked to my parents in awhile...i'm jealous of those people who have a close bond with their parents. i wish i was close with mine...

i wish i could fly.

i cant wait for the day i have my own place and come home to a loving husband and three little kids...that will be the day i can call myself successful because it will be then that i will be truly happy.

thinking of getting my PhD in psychology...kinda iffy about the situation but i'm most likely gonna go for it. Dr. Angela Allen...hmm..sounds sexy.

i wish we could live on mars.

random facts are always fun...good day everyone

2004-04-21T00:11:00.000-07:00

eargasm: make me whole - amel larrieux
quotable: "you make me feel loved"

yup...i have a paper to write and a test to study for that i havent even started on...you can call me procrastination!

nothing exciting has been happening. i finally saw andrew after 908593285023 years on saturday. good times.

i spent my whole weekend with bullet. the longest we were apart from each other was probably 5 hours. i know it's really corny but whatever. lol...i spent friday evening, saturday afternoon and evening, then sunday morning and evening with the boy. i just cant get enough of him =D he makes me so happy.

i've also been working like a maniac to complete my work-study hours so that always sucks.

tuesdays are always the best here at MSMC. that's when all the boys come from the valley and all the boys here play basketball. it's fun watching them because they act real silly...and sooner or later, you begin to notice weird mannerisms from certain boys and you cant help but crack up. it's hilarious...

tonight, i played tennis with val and nicole against mel and me. then byron and jonathan came...and then they all left and peter and i played. peter is so good at tennis...sheesh. it's crazy! he was giving me lessons so i can become pro status and kick everyone's ass in tennis..............yeah right. thanks for playing with me, peter!

uhmmm....i should be doing my paper but i'm sleepy so im gonna sleep then wake up 2 hours from now. haha...good times. isnt being a college student grand? =]

2004-04-15T18:49:00.000-07:00

eargasm: honest expression - binary star
quotable: "you're so petite...i wanna put you on a shelf" -kitty

today was fun...

our school had a "spring fair" and a couple of booths were up where everything they had to offer was free. the stuff they were giving away varied from food to arts and crafts. it was awesome...i spent most of the day with angel, alyssa, anne, and peter. fun times...fun times indeed...

yesterday, bullet came by around noon and while i was in class, he fixed my computer!!! the problem was that my start-up page was some weirdo page and it set it as a default and i couldnt change it but somehow and some way, bullet aka mister genious, found a program and fixed everything. what a smart little cookie...then i drew on him with sharpies. muahahaha!!! we spent most of the night talking and laughing like craaazy and then i fell asleep and he tucked me in as he crept his way out...

mister bullet...i'm so thankful he's in my life. there's never a dull moment when he's around. he always makes me laugh and he leaves me with my stomach and cheeks hurting cuz i laughed a lot. he's great...however, i know for a fact that there's people out there hating on what i have with bullet but i have two words for you...thank you. yes...thank you for dedicating that portion of your day into talking trash about me and how what i'm doing is wrong or for even attempting to make fun of bullet because in reality, it just proves that you people need a life. i know i shouldnt even be worrying about it since the people who are hating are earls friends but still...i think it's stupid...but then again, they are in high school so i guess i should cut them some slack.

anyhoo, i'm glad earl is finally interested in someone. you deserve the best, squig. =]

me neighbor keeps banging her drawers shut, which causes a ruckus in my room. i wanna go to her room, steal her drawers and stick her inside her closet. ahhhhhhhhhh!!!

today, i got a bag of candy and inside was a ring pop...havent had those since i was 10 or something. funny thing is, bullet and i were talking about it lastnight and all of a sudden, i happened to get one today. crazy huh? =]

hmm..well, im gonna take a quick nap...good evening

p.s.

i think doug robb is damn sexy...i want to kiss him. the end

2004-04-10T20:44:00.000-07:00

eargasm: cant take my eyes off of you - al green
quotable: "you must always be on target!"

i cant believe it's saturday. i would do a quick re-cap but i have bad memory and i dont remember what events took place this week.

happy birthday, nicole! it was her birthday yesterday so bullet and i made a card, bought a magazine with jessica simpson [cuz she looooves jessica simpson], and surprised her at home. then we headed to jeuz's kickback and that's always interesting. saw the usuals [ken, kris, abe, jp, jer, val, max, raisa, chiara, vince]...the boys played texas hold em...is it texas hold "em" or texas hold "in"? who knows...cuz i sure as hell dont. bullet is so good at that game...whoever he helped would win. geeez...either he's really good or he's a good luck charm. i wasnt feeling too well so i knocked out on jeuz's couch. next thing i know, bullet is waking me up with a smile saying....

"let's go home now...." lastnight, i stayed with bullet and kept him company since no one else was at home. good times. i had lots of fun...from just chillin and talking to running around the house attempting to "kick his ass". muahaha...oh bullet...you're all types of wonderful...

i finally went home the next day around 6 at night. i thought my parents would get mad but they weren't. i told them i stayed with bullet for awhile and they were cool with it. sheesh...i guess they really like him.

i love nature...when i was going to bullet's house yesterday, i was fortunate enough to catch the sunset while driving down the 5 north. nature is the most amazing, wonderful, awesome thing ever....witnessing the sunset gave me the biggest smile...i tried taking a picture while i was driving but i couldnt and ended up swerving. hehe...oh well. next time perhaps...and maybe i'll have you on my side to watch the sunset....

i hate glendale...glendale probably has the worst drivers ever. i hate living in this sorry excuse for a city. in ONE HOUR, i used my horn 10 times. NO JOKES!!! so if you ever wanna die on the road, glendale is the place to be!!!

cant wait....i just cant wait to see you, andrew. it'll be like summer all over again when we hang out on monday. marshpoop reunited!!!!!!

she always has something good to say...talked to sammie the other day. good stuff...she always has something spiffy to say. i miss her and tomorrow, i'm finally gonna be able to hang out with her. i was reading her journal, and it said,

"wait it out, everyone. it'll be worth it. the best things in life come along when you least expect..."
that statement is so true. i would know because i was "shot with a bullet" when i least expected it. hehehehe...good one huh? =D

uhmmm...i think that's all i have to say for now. happy easter everyone. jesus is cool...and so are you. lay off those marshmallow peeps or else they'll give you a big, fat tummy ache...trust me...i should know =D

2004-04-05T23:55:00.000-07:00

so i went to the hospital tonight cuz my foot was going crazy. it ended up to be that i sprained my foot but it could have been worse. the doctor said if i didnt wrap it in an ace bandage over the weekend, i could have done bad stuff to my foot. here is the conversation of the day:

doctor: good thing you put that ace bandage once it started to swell. who told you to do that?
me: my male companion is a nurse and said for me to do so right away so my other friend who works at the school clinic got me an ace bandage and my male companion also got me a lot of cold compress packs
doctor: did he tell you to elevate it too?
me: yes...several times. he even made sure of it
doctor: that's a good nurse right there. he's a keeper right mom?
*looks at my mom*
mom: yeah, he's a good boy

hehehe...i thought that was cute. good night.

2004-04-05T12:55:00.000-07:00

eargasm: losing all control - rooney
quotable: "i'm so proud of you" -friends

this weekend is finally done!! PCN is finally over and i must say...it turned it better than i expected. good turn-out both days....but on saturday, the place was filled. inevitably, i messed up in some of the dances and jer and i ad-libbed so damn much, which made it better i guess. peter and i did pretty well in paso doble...he's such an awesome partner. i wouldn't have wanted anyone else. anyway, we got nothing but positive feedback so that made me feel awesome...i'm glad everyone liked the show. =]

thank you to everyone who came down to the friday show [earl, anthony, love, abe, val, paolo, and lovely bullet] and who came down on saturday [chris, erick, kevin, my family, tricia, raisa, ate princess, jaymie, justin, love again, val again, abe again, and lovely bullet and his whole family again]. and...thanks for the sign paolo, chris, and the other chris [bullet's little brother]...you guys are so sweet =]...it made me feel uber special. and bullet brought me a dozen roses so that just made me feel like i was PCN queen or something. hehehe...thank you times a million!!!

i hurt my foot was kinda struggling both days but i managed. thank you to anne for getting me an ace bandage and a cold compress. that was very nice of you anne! and...good ol' bullet stayed with me after the show on both nights to make sure my foot was okay. he even stayed with me instead of chillin with the boys on saturday night. so sweet...so sweet. he kept telling me to elevate it and put ice on it but i was being stubborn and didnt do it and now i'm paying the consequences. thank you, mister bullet...you're so thoughtful =] i was too tired to drive him back so i let him take my car home. i think i'm gonna leave it there for the rest of the week cuz i dont have a permit yet and i dont wanna get another ticket.

lastnight, i was so hungry and didnt get to eat and so bullet asked nicole and love to bring me food...so when i got to my room, there was a subway sandwich, chips, and a drink waiting for me to consume. awww....so sweet. it put a big smile on my face =]

i have to go to work now...until next time =]

BUT WAIT!!! here's a TREAT!!!!!

2004-04-01T13:23:00.000-08:00

eargasm: let's stay together - al green
quotable: "you pay for your tuiton" -my dad

yup...so as usual, yesterday sucked. =[ my parental units are being ridiculously immature about our whole situation. it's sad...come on mom and dad...just give me a hug and let's forget about this whole thing. =[

i saw freddie prinze jr yesterday at westwood. i was 1 foot away from his sexy body...damn it. why didnt i take a picture of him?

pcn practice is taking over our lives...i think i hurt my left foot because of tinikling. there's no bruise or anything but when i walk around or run, it really begins to hurt. i figure, i suck it up until the show is over. i cant believe the show is tomorrow...oh geebus...

so yesterday, i was talking to Earl and he was telling me about these people in his family that don't like me. i find it hilarious but oh well. i dont really care but apparently, in their eyes, im a loser. sheesh...im lovin it but i do hope they know that i'm not forcing earl to do anything and he's doing all this on his own. it's like...they dont like me just because i dont want to get back with earl. gee wiz...gimme a break. they're probably gonna read this and dislike me even more but whatevers...their loss not mine. good day

on monday, the 29th, was my one month with bullet. it's been ONE month and bullet was cute enough to make me this little candy platter full of starburst. i havent eaten it yet but i will eat it soon enough...i love starburst. yum! he said he used over 100 starbursts and i believe it because the circle in the middle is thick and huge. sheesh...it's like a big, fat lollipop.

also, gani made me a keychain. i call gani love because he is my love and we are in love with a love. muahaha...inside joke and you readers arent in it! muahaha! the keychain is so cute. i love it, love! then yesterday at PCN, he gave me a candy bracelet that i dont want to eat ever because it's special. hahaha...what a cornball. love and nicole are so cute...makes me want to bite them whenever i see them together. thank you for all the goodies, LOVE! you're the coolest!

i withdrew from my physio class so every tuesday and thursday, i dont have class till 4:20 in the afternoon!! crazy huh? but i'll be working so blah. hehe

jeriel, my mahal...thank you for your support and for being there when i least expected you lastnight. that hug and little sit-down session was much needed...your hugs are the best in the west...i big heart you, mahal!

well, gotta go back to work. until next time...

2004-03-30T12:11:00.000-08:00

That's So You
by The Rocket Summer

It's a beautiful day
Now I'll be ok now that you're not away
Yesterday was a terrible day
But now that you're here I'm ok
Cause you don't know how much I, I need you
Please don't go
You're so wonderful
This I swear, this I know

You, oh you, every single thing you do
I'm so proud of you
What you do
When you do the things you do
They're so you

So thanks for your help
You shine so bright
You are the star that's in my sky
And I am yours and you are mine

You, oh you, every single thing you do
I'm so proud of you
What you do
When you do the things you do
They're so you

I'm so proud of you
That's so you...

2004-03-25T08:52:00.000-08:00

happy birthday melonee

you're one of the greatest people i know...i cant tell you how fortunate and how blessed i am to have met you and grown so close to you since we started school. you're the best friend a girl needs in college. one more year and the drinks are on you! muahaha =]

other than getting my car booted, lastnight was a disaster....i hate crying in front of people and thats what happened. i hurt someone and made him cry. a million apologies wouldnt be enough to make up for what i've done. his pain, pressure, and tears are slowly eating up my soul. i just dont know what to do.

this morning, something unfortunate happened to bullet and i cant help but blame myself. i'm sorry...it really is all my fault...i dont even know how he's doing and it's killing me inside...

FUCK...i seem to be doing nothing but inflicting pain on everyone around me. i guess my parents were right when they said i was a screw-up.

2004-03-24T21:10:00.000-08:00

eargasm: the blast remix - talib kweli & hi-tek feat. erykah badu
quotable: "did you park your car by my dorm cuz if you did, you got booted" -max

highlight of the day:
my car got booted today

here at MSMC, if you have more than 2 unpaid parking tickets, they "boot" your car where they lock all your tires making it impossible to move until you pay off your fines...what a penis huh? i take full responsibility because i should have paid for those suckers in the first place instead of lagging it. now, it's gonna be a good $80 outta my pocket and into the greedy hands of MSMC...d a m n it..

i thought i lost my favorite denim vintage blazer jacket yesterday. i was gonna cry but leigh-ann had it the whole time. good one...

Auto response from angela is spiffy (7:47:33 PM): has anyone seen my denim blazer jacket? :'(
hey im andrew 21 (7:47:33 PM): i havent becaue i havent seen you in such a long time :-(
hey im andrew 21 (7:47:37 PM): i miss you marshmallow

i miss you, andrew. the next time i'm gonna see you is probably when you come to MSMC for admitted students day. i havent seen my poopie in a long time...no worries, poopie...your picture is on my desk so there isnt a day when i dont look at your picture and wonder what you're doing and how you're doing...call me soon yes? of course...

i feel blah. someone give me a hug please.

my parents still aren't talking to me...someone tell them that the silence between us is slowly killing me inside.

someone make this week go away because everyday of this week has been like a trip to hell and back.

2004-03-20T12:32:00.000-08:00

random fact...

when i get sad and wanna cheer myself up, i bump al green and start singing his songs...he's a great guy.

here's a lovely poem that made me cry when i first read it a long time ago..

Love Like
by Shihan

I want a love like me
thinking of you
thinking of me
thinking of you type love,
or me telling my friends more than I've ever admitted to
myself about how I feel about you type love,
or hating how jealous you are,
but loving how much you
want me all to your self type love,
or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name,
and shit, I wanted to see how far I could get without
calling you,
and I barely made it out of my garage.
See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls
asleep
then wonder if she dreaming about us being in love
type love,
or who loves the other more,
or what she's doing at this exact moment,
or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the
music of our hearts,
closing my eyes and imagining how a love like this could just hurt so much when she's not there.
Shit, I love not knowing where this love is headed type love.
And check this, I want to place those little post-it notes
all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love
then not have enough ink in my pen to write
all there is to love about her type love.
Hope that I make her feel as good as she makes me feel,
I want her to distract me form whatever I'm doing type love
and I want to deal with my friends making fun of me the
way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love.
Only difference is
this is one of those real love type loves.
and just like in high school, I want to spend hours on the phone with her not saying anything,
then fall asleep
then wake up with HER right next to me,
and smell her all up in my covers type love

I want to try to counting the ways I love her, and then
lose count in the middle just so that I have to start all
over again type love
I want to celebrate one of those month anniversaries even
though they ain't really anniversaries, but doin' it just
cause it makes her happy type love.
And I want ot break down the time we spend together into seconds just so it sounds lilke we spend more time together type love
And check this, I want fall in love with the melody the
phone plays when her number is dialed into it type loves
and then talk to her until I lose my breathe,
she leaves me breathless,
but with the expanding of my lungs
I
inhale all of her back into me
I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer

because, in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves.
I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are
I mean the lines on my palms don't give me enough time to love her as long as I'd like to type loves,
and I want a love that makes me st-st-st-st-stutter just thinking
about how strong this love is type love.
I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair
Well, maybe not all of the hair
maybe just cut the split ends and trim my mustache, but
it will still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her.

And check this, I kinda feel comfortable now, so I can tell y'all this
I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car
just so I could lose my memory
get transported to some third world country
just to get treated
then somehow meet up again with you
so that I could fall in love with you in a different language to see if it still feels the same type love.

I want a love that's as unexplainable as she is,
but I'm married,
so she is going to be the one that I share this love with....

----
let's go back to the poetry lounge...just like old times...

2004-03-19T12:05:00.000-08:00

eargasm: brand new colony - the postal service
quotable: "that's so slippery"

happy birthday kris and ken

i love you guys!!!! may you have a great day...i'll see you sexy twins later!

whenever i hear the song, brand new colony by the postal service, i get a really big smile on my face...that song is so cute. then it brings me back to the days of when school just started and when i was in the car with angel, anne, and alyssa bumpin the postal service down westwood. good times...=]

still not talking to my parents...

spring break is coming to a close and it's been fun. lastnight, bullet and i stopped by sammie's house to bring her soup. poor kid...she's sick. i went back to the mall where i bought a dress...bullet decided to come along so that was fun too...bullet got me jenga and wrapped it in toilet tissue. lol...he's so silly. i'm so excited to play jenga...it reminds me of orientation when mel, brenda, and whoever else played it till forever. we were known as the jenga queens. ah..good times...

and to all those kids tagging my board without putting a name, keep doin your thing, whether it's insulting, criticizing, or putting me down because i'm lovin the attention. your shit doesnt faze me kiddos...=]

whenever i hear the song yeah by usher, it makes me wanna dance...even when i'm in the car...

speaking of which, the new usher album is good...got an advance copy thanks to andrew!!!

i miss the usuals [freda, rhena, renelle, charles, christian, ben, godo]...

hmmm...what else? what are you people doing on april 2 and 3? nothing? let me advertise...

Filipino American Student Association
proudly presents
"Finally"
a play put on by the members of FASA full of
acting, dancing, and laughter
Friday, April 2
or
Saturday, April 3
dinner is provided!!
dinner is served at 5:30
and the show is at 7:00
$8.00 for a student [w/ id]
$10.00 for adult
12001 Chalon Road
Los Angeles, Ca 90049
contact me for more details!!!

so make sure you guys come...it'll be orgasmic!

time to nap...i feel bloated. i hate being on my period. before i go, i'll leave you all a lyric clip from the song i'm listening to...

"i'll be the phonograph that plays your favortie albums back
as your lying there drifting off to asleep
i'll be the platform shoes and do what heredity's done to you
you wont have to strain to look into my eyes
i'll be your winter coat
button zipped straight to the throat
with the collar up
so you wont catch a cold..."

*siiiiiiigh*

2004-03-17T12:36:00.000-08:00

eargasm: iris - goo goo dolls
quotable: "why do you act the way you do?" -my mom

My parents...they have some type of unfathomable power over me where one look...one mere look can bring me down. It's ridiculous...almost ludicrous for allowing them to do this to me.

last night, they wrote me a letter where they expressed nothing but their disappointment in me. At least when you say something to someone, in the back of your head, you can pretend as if they never said it but when written on paper, it's much worse...it's there...written in solid black letters spelling out frustration and disgust.

While reading the letter, I felt the sharp pain of tears fall down my face and I couldn't help but hate myself for being the way I am in my parents eyes...

I've locked myself in my room. I'm too scared to go out and see my parents...especially my dad. With his temper and strength, anything is possible.

The only thing I ask for is for their support...I've never hugged my parents. We've never looked each other in the eye and said, "I love you" and never have they once said, "I’m proud of you"...I guess that's how they are with me but hell, they can tell my other cousins that their proud of them and that they love them but when it comes to me....that's a whole different story....

another thing that's bothering me is...the past.

"the past is the past...there's no need to bring it up. it's pointless" -bullet

the past has been coming back to taunt me and laugh in my face as i sit in the darkest corner of the room scraping any remnants of hope and self-esteem while putting on a facade of happiness. someone get me out of this corner...

someone tell me it's going to be okay...someone tell me my parents love me...someone tell me i'm good enough for him....but most of all,

someone please give me a hug...

"and i dont want the world to see me
cuz i dont think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am..."

2004-03-15T10:32:00.000-08:00

eargasm: complications - atmosphere
quotable: "so are you the gun?" -dwaine

this weekend was great. friday was tricia's birthday shindig at bucca di peppo in citywalk. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRICIA!!!! basically, it was a saint gen's gathering and peter, jeriel, and me were the only "non-valley" people. it was funny...then we headed to the beach. it was 2 couples and 4 single guys walkin on the pier...you boys are hilarious. i love it. jeriel and val are so freakin cute that it makes me want to bite them. geeeez!

saturday was spent with them yet again! geez...cant get enough of the valley people. they're so delicious! we went to some girl's debut...i forgot her name. good times. awkward times. bad times. overall, it was an okay night. there were a few misunderstandings here and there but with a little patience and a whole lot of understanding, it can be resolved real quick. thank you for everything mister bullet. you're the absolute best. i love how you're so patient with me...especially when i get real stubborn. we're way better than letting them get to us right? of course...

so my parents arent talking to me...again. what a bunch of scumbags. i hate it when we fight because things get really weird at home.

spring break 2004 has arrived and quality time with the bon chon is gonna be well spent. sorry i couldnt make it to the beach today but we do have all week to do whatevers...i hope you guys have mucho fun.

today's plan....visit bullet at school and have lunch with him on his lunch break. it's gonna be exciting because it's my first time going to his school. that should be fun. =]

dont you guys hate shakey legs cuz i do...when my legs or knees shake because it's too cold or whatever reason there is out there, i cant walk straight...then i begin to wobble...and when i wobble, i look like a turkey. geeez...why dont i just yell out gobble gobble while i'm at it? sheesh.

and to you...erase me from your memory. i no longer care. sorry it had to end this way because frankly, we could have been a dope set of friends. i think you have a fetish for name-calling and putting people down because your email didnt go a sentence without a put-down. however, you're email didnt faze me because you no longer have the power to do that to me any longer. it's a shame...it's a damn shame..

"Do you know what today is?
It's the third anniversary, you came back to flirt with me
For certain, you must mistake me for a fool
See I know how you are, I see those tricks in you
Tried to make amends, there's something new
Had problems with your friend, so it's me you always run to
Come to, and smell the coffee, go drink the pot with extra caffeine
Cause next to acting you win awards for cloudy vision
Tired of vision for the what, why and when
Will this repetition end, step away and give me oxygen
Not interested in talking, say nothing keep walking go bout your away
See the colors of these areas have started turning gray
See you later goodnight, got no more candles to light
Yo its time to move along cause baby something isn't right
Still I'm glad I met you, its too bad you screwed it up"

goodbye sweetie!

2004-03-11T15:46:00.000-08:00

eargasm: make me whole - amel larrieux
quotable: "it's negative"

today...
- i got an hour of sleep and left promptly at 7 am to meet with ate princess for an emergency "sister-bonding-i-need-someone-to-support-me" session
- i love you, ate...you're the best ever...
- it took me an hour to get back to school from her house
- that's whack
- i was falling asleep on the wheel
- i was going 5 mph on the 405 S
- i exited and headed to school
- i unintentionally closed my eyes and next thing i know, i hit a curb
- almost hit someone's trash can too
- being sleepy and driving is not a good thing
- saw the doctor today....got a prescription. yup...kinda nervous

to all my friends, i'm sorry i've been so blah and almost non-existant today. i havent chilled with the bon chon all day and it's making me sad.

spring break is gonna be awesome. destination: sunny san diego. yummy. tomorrow is gonna be good too...dockweiler [sp?] beach with bond fires is always a good thing. i love my friends...they're the greatest...ever...

time to take my microbio lab test. yup...bye everyone

2004-03-09T21:31:00.000-08:00

eargasm: you never know - heiroglyphics
quotable: "angela, you fob! it's baskin robbins...not baskin AND robbins!!" -lauren

so today, lab was cancelled. i was super pissed...why? because lastnight...or this morning, i got home about 3:45 am and i slept for a good hour then woke up to finish up my lab reports. i underestimated myself and i was shitting it because there was much more shit to write than i expected...so i shower, get dressed, and run to the comp lab to print my reports only to find out that lab is cancelled. and to think...i could have slept in until 11. oh geez...

everybody seemed to be really annoyed by someone today...perhaps it's the weather..smile guys. it was a beautiful day...no worries ok?

but no one can rain on my parade because i'm loving life...life is way too short to be stressing over mindless matters.

random conversation:
andrew is boored: somehting about a gril
andrew is boored: who can play tnenis
andrew is boored: makes her even more attractive lol
angela is spiffy: oOoOoOo
andrew is boored: lol
angela is spiffy: i play tennis...am i attractive?
andrew is boored: of course

i love forced compliments. hahaha =]

lastnight was...beautiful. feelings were expressed, honesty was present, and love was felt. being open with someone is always a plus...i've come to the realization that trust is a difficult thing to acquire from someone but once you have it, it should be treated as fragile as possible.

jealousy can kill a relationship...i'm doing my best not to let jealousy get the best of me. perhaps i'm reading too much into any given situation and as usual, assuming things i shouldnt even cross my mind. i guess i can take the easy way out and blame my father for acquiring his jealous genes but that's just silly...

tinikling practice tonight was scary...

i still cant help but hate myself for somehow making you hate yourself. a bit confusing? yes...i cant seem to gather any type of courage to just talk to you and explain myself. either way, i think it's too late. as much as i attempt to make things okay for the both of us, it will never be because you no longer look at me the same way.

"i know [s]he's been put through hell
i can feel it
i know [s]he's trying to touch heaven
as well as steal it..."
-atmosphere

today is so blah. may you readers have better days ahead of you. toodle-loo...

2004-03-08T02:02:00.000-08:00

eargasm: i dont wanna know - mario winans
quotable: "you guys have to work it out. you guys are awesome together" -kris

so i got this from sarah's blog...i cant sleep so here it goes..

TEN songs you love (right now)
1. because of you - keith martin
2. the reason - hoobastank
3. steller - incubus
5. nothing better - the postal service
6. abusing of the rib - atmosphere
7. burn - usher
8. fuck you lucy - atmosphere
9. ex-factor - lauryn hill
10. come around - rhett miler

NINE things that make you smile
1. my cousins
2. bullet =]
3. bon chon
4. pictures
5. surprises
6. waking up with the sun in my face
7. moons and stars
8. cancelled classes
9. charles singing

EIGHT things you wear daily
1. panties
2. bra
3. clothes
4. glasses
5. shoes
6. watch
7. class ring
8. socks

SEVEN things that annoy you
1. people who lag with a reply on AIM
2. people who talk to me on the phone while they're talking to someone else on AIM
3. people who drive slow on the first lane of the freeway
4. people who drive slow in general...
5. homewreckers
6. bitches and hoes who mess with the bon chon...HAHA
7. losing my school id

SIX things you are looking forward to
1. my new classes cuz of my new major
2. the 29th of every month
3. spring break
4. bungee jumping with bullet
5. getting a career and supporting my parents
6. spending forever with my future husband and having beautiful children

FIVE things you are scared of
1. my future
2. losing anyone i love and care for [family and friends]
3. losing bullet
4. losing my best friend
5. being a disappointment and failure in my parents eyes

FOUR people you want to spend more time with
1. bullet
2. my cousins
3. best friends
4. close friends

THREE movies that you could watch over and over
1. ghost
2. dirty dancing
3. how to deal

TWO special moments
1. the day bullet gave me a reason...
2. the day earl and i reached a mutual understanding

ONE person you can spend forever with
1. h i m . . .

so that is all.

i changed majors. yes...i am now majoring in psychology and minoring in english. crazy huh? i never thought i'd change majors but i did...good stuff. nursing is still in my heart but psych and english are my passions. perhaps i'll go back to nursing but ya never know...

today, bullet surprised me and left a rose and a necklace on my door. what a sweetie...just when i was having a crumby day, he turns it around and makes everything better again. thank you...

ive made a secret blog and only the elite few will know about it. muahaha...

just kidding...i havent made it yet but i intend to make one soon. muahaha

i'm sleepy now. good night.

2004-03-06T16:34:00.000-08:00

i wish i could make him smile again...

but it's impossible because i've inflicted too much pain all at one time for his wounds to ever heal. it's funny how things work out...or...dont work out in the end. but it's like that old cliche..."everything happens for a reason".

i think i may have lost my best friend today. or...not today...but i think that he finally let go of me today. i wish things were different because in all honesty, this boy truly is my best friend. he's someone who's understanding, patient, funny, and extremely caring...and today, i lost him.

as i sit here, i cant help but wonder if this was the right thing to do...

i've made so many mistakes and running away from it all was...is...probably the biggest one. as a result, i not only caused my best friend to hurt...but i somehow indirectly stole any remnant of hope that he was precariously holding on to. without any realization or intention, i blindly lived my life with the thought of him always being there...and accepting my life as it is now. i was..and still am a fool for even entertaining that ridiculous thought in my head.

it's too late to start anew. our wounds are still fresh from the internal war we have been fighting for the past three years.

despite all this, deep down inside, i still consider you my best friend. you have taught me numerous things that no one else could teach me and have changed my life wholly. i cannot express how apologetic i am for hurting you in any way. as we part our seperate ways, rest assure, i am still here for you and will continue to love you because you are an amazing individual who God has blessed me with.

Earl, thank you for loving me.

2004-03-02T00:39:00.000-08:00

eargasm: come around - rhett miller
quotable: "stop trying to please everyone and do something to make yourself happy" -justin

spring formal was awesome. my friends are the best ever...ive never had so much fun at a dance in my life. bullet is wondeful. i wouldnt have had so much fun if he wasnt there. the evening was perfect...

then we headed to westin hotel where the gang stayed. we were able to get 2 rooms all thanks to bullet. one was the "party room" and the other the "sleeping room". needless to say, i stayed in the "sleeping room". lots of good memories at the hotel and most of it was caught on video tape. muahaha!

i'll put up pictures soon.

thank you so much for everything, mister bullet. you were an amazing "date". it was an honor to have you as my date at the formal. gosh...everyone loves you. i keep hearing compliments about you from my friends that night. but hey...this is only the beginning.

leap year has never been so wonderful...

in my dictionary, forever is written next to your name.

well right now, im kinda weirded out. i just need someone to talk to. im all alone...and a bit upset. gee wiz...i hate feeling like this.

i just need...you right now to make me feel better.

well im gonna try to get some sleep....so good night.

2004-02-27T07:00:00.000-08:00

eargasm: nothing better - the postal service
quotable: "it's a thursday and we never go to parties anymore" -lauren

so as usual, i'm killing time before class. i have a 3 page paper to write that i havent started on and it's due at 10:20...which leaves me in a crunch because i have class at 9:10 but i figure, i'll skip that class to write my paper. good stuff eh?

so lastnight, we had PCN practice till what seemed like forever. as usual, we didnt start on time and that kinda ticked me off...but yeah...overall, it was a good practice. richie made it and it's always fun when he's around.

after, nicole, kitty, mel, lauren, and me decide to get some boba. hmm..i almost hit a possum. geez..and i really scared nicole with my driving. im sorry. =[ then...we played chinese firedrill. ah...it was great. i love my friends. they're fun to play with.

mister charles came by yesterday for 10 minutes and left me a present on my board...what a penis face. geez...i didnt really talk to him since i was half asleep so i guess thats why he left early. sorry, babyface...but thanks for the starbucks. you're the sweetest.

and so tonite, is formal. i cant wait..im stoked. im gonna see my sexy date, bullet in a couple hours cuz he's gonna come here early just to kick it. ah yes...im excited...i want it to be tonite already!!

have a great day, everyone!!! toodle-loo elephant shoooe!

2004-02-25T21:44:00.000-08:00

eargasm: why do i feel so sad - alicia keys
quotable: "there's no such thing as perfect"

lastnight was fun. hmm..im trying to get the complicated dance of tinikling down to a science. muaha! good stuff...

bullet also came by yesterday and scared me because he was in my room chillin while i was in class...so when i went to my room and opened my door, i screamed since there was a "stranger" in my room. hehe...that was funny. he brought donuts! i was pretty happy he did because i was craving donuts the other day...and the weird part is...i didnt even tell him i wanted donuts! muahaha! he also brought me vitamin c candy since im a bit sick. what a sweetie pie...so yeah..we hung out. good times...good times...

so today is the beginning of lent. i think for this wonderful season in the hypocritical and demented catholic church, i will try to be a better person by being more patient and being less jealous. yes...that is me. i am an impatient, jealous little bitch and i need to be the complete opposite. lord...help me out here because it's only the first day and jealousy is already getting the best of me.

the weather sucks...i went to order the boutonniere for bullet today and i was outside for a mere 5 minutes and i was soaking wet. i was a bit hesitant to get in my car since i didnt want the interior wet but whatever...max came along as well and ordered his crosage for denise. good times...flowers are expensive. i spent a whoppin 65 dollars today...thats for mine and max's crap too. damn it.

so...im going to a debut and i kinda dont want to go. the situation is pretty sticky and it's makin me feel down in the dumps. as much as i try to understand the reason as to why we're going, i still cant. it's weird...i've been trying to hold it in but it's difficult. tonite just kinda sucked. oh well...im going there for him and he's going there for her. a bit odd? i agree but hey, you gotta make sacrifices...

im getting doubts.

alright...time to...oh, i dunno...do homework? yeah right...good night everyone and happy ash wednesday. =]

2004-02-23T22:55:00.000-08:00

eargasm: dont wanna try - frankie j
quotable: "i'm willing to start over"

microbio test wasnt too shabby...got done in 45 minutes. muahaha...i kept falling asleep lastnight and early this morning. i hate tests.

i have 2 tests tomorrow! im one lucky chickadee..

so lent is coming up and ive decided to give up...blogging. YEAH RIGHT!!! muahaha! i was thinking of giving up rice but i dont think that's possible...perhaps i'll give up anything that's related to sex...yes...that sounds grand. i shall not speak of sex or engage in any sexual behavior...it's like the movie, 40 days 40 nights. i cant kiss/hug/anything sexual for a whole month and 10 days.............................YEAH RIGHT! okay okay...im gonna give up....cussing. i really need to quit this cussing business. gee wiz...

so once again, i should be studying but damn it...i havent even begun. hmm...i hate physiology! yay!

i think i called him way too much today...so i'm gonna "lay low" and not call. heh...what a bum.

i had an interesting conversation with earl today. geebus...if it was only that simple, my friend.

hmmm..im getting a lot of pimples. thats gross...i know i sound extremely vain right now but hey, let me be! i think it's cuz i never sleep...isnt that right? like...when you dont sleep, you get pimples? and i think my bangs add to that factor as well...hmph...

today is my Lola's 79th birthday and so i called her and started singing happy birthday. then she began to laugh and she told me how much she loves me. gosh...my Lola is the ultimate best Lola in the universe. i love her so much that it isnt even funny. i told her i was gonna drive down to glendale just to see her but then she got mad and said for me to stay at school because she doesnt want me driving. ah...my Lola is so cute. ahhhhh! I Love my Lola!

hmm...i hope you get well soon, mister salvador. im thinkin of you....

and feel better, andrew. i hate seeing you like this...i feel so helpless when i cant put that smile on your face. =[ dont be so glum chum and turn that frown upside down...you know why? because i love you. muahaha! call me if you need anything, my dear best friend.

okay...time to study. good night.

2004-02-23T00:54:00.000-08:00

eargasm: glitches - the roots
quotable: "life is like a dick...when it gets hard, just fuck it"

before i begin, i just want to say that i really, really, really miss him. oh andrew...cant it be like summer when we talked everyday all day about random things and go to the mall or movies and run red lights and getting lost while driving? memories....

religious ed congress was this weekend and it was pretty cool. as usual, i went with the dopest campus ministry employees...they're the best. we had a blast even tho most of the time, i was wishing i was at home or at least...decent driving distance from him cuz sometimes, i just wanted to get in my car and see him. but it's always fun when karmin and maryann are around. they're good people....and i love them. muahaha!

i'm also kinda sick and i kept coughing. my throat hurts and everytime i cough, my eyes get watery and my throat feels like it's gonna explode. geez...this weather is funky...it's gettin everyone sick!

hmm...a random boy gave me his number yesterday, which completely surprised me because i was being such a bitch to him and his friends...what a penis. and!!! he freakin wrote it on my microbio notes!!! what a jerk...and shelly, nancy, and jen was soooo mean to him when he was trying to talk to me. muahaha...i loved it.

i love the campus ministers. they're so awesome...we also got to serve the closing assembly, which was orgasmic. there was a lot of people...and i served for cardinal mahoney. good times...even though he is kinda weird.

pictures can be seen here.

and i have a microbio test today!!!!!!!!!!!! eslkjrtewtjwe3jtl;wejtq3!!!!

so i got back from congress and i was in a real foul mood for various reasons. the original plan was for lauren and me to go to starbucks to get some coffee with a trillion espresso shots so we can pull an all nighter to study...i was telling bullet this and next thing i know, bullet is at starbucks getting us coffee!!! aww geez...what a sweetheart huh? then he brings it here and yeah..mmhmm...i got my tall iced latte and lauren got her caramel something or other...thank you sooooo much baps!!! you're so sweet and extremely thoughtful...then he stayed for awhile and left so i can study. when i saw him, it made me forget about all the crap i was stressing about. ah....bullet, you're wonderful! it made me quite sad to see him go but it's okay because i'll be seeing him again this week. i mean...after all, formal is this friday!!! and i honestly cant wait. it's gonna be soooo fun!!

i like olive juice...and those silly elephant shoes look best on you.

hmm...what else?...this weekend was also a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. i'm having a bit of a dilemma with a certain someone. i just dont know what to do with him. if it could only be that easy...if anything, i need to trust him again because lord knows he lost my trust a long time ago. the past cannot be changed but at the same time, it cant dictate the future...however, i feel as though the heinous things he's done in the past is something i dont think i can ever get over. it's like that bad rash that just wont go away...remember that? our relationship is a broken vase...as much as we try and try to put the pieces together, it'll never be the same beautiful vase it once was [thanks for the analogy, jer].

he said: "je souhaite que tu puisses etre content avec moi"
and i said: "comment est-ce que je peux etre heureux avec vous si vous brisez constamment mon coeur?"

it's raining hard...it makes me want to be with that special someone and just cuddle...ah...memories. i wish you were here.

time to study again. i love him. i do....and i cant wait till tuesday. good night everyone! have a peachy wonderful day!!!!!

2004-02-19T07:17:00.000-08:00

eargasm: because of you - keith martin

so...i woke up this morning in a damn good mood and i did my usual routine, which is to pee, wash my face, take a shower, brush my teeth, get dressed, and finally, check my email. hmm...i got an email this morning and it was quite interesting. needless to say, this email left me in a sour mood...

people have been tagging mine and earl's board with random stupidity. honestly, if you're gonna say something whether it's good or bad, just put your REAL name instead of hiding behind something as childish as "hah". give me a break...and that whole tag about how much earl sucks but i cant be "happier with anyone else" is a lie. damn lie...so stop with this foolishness and go back to your mama cuz it's past your bed time...

i'm torn.

i love him...i do i do i do....

have a good day everyone...

2004-02-18T01:29:00.000-08:00

eargasm: girlfriend - alicia keys

yup...good, old song. it's been on major rotation.

ive been getting a lot of mixed feelings lately...i was talking to a good ol' friend of mine and he said im too scared of living life. what a vagina face...he said im too scared to take risks and all this other bullshmit. i dunno...i guess it's true but yeah...

sometimes, i am scared to take that risk. i mean...why take risks when they can hurt you in the long run? why not live comfortably and by taking one cautious step at a time? why not think with your mind instead of your heart...because after all, we all know how that goes. when you listen to your heart, you make irrational decisions that you may regret while the mind thinks through things...i dont know. this is whack...

sometimes, i just wanna run away and crawl into an isolated hole as i watch the rest of the world function...and sometimes, i wish...

im feeling a bit blue...or maybe purple...yellow perhaps? hehe... but yeah, i dont know. i guess it's just one of those days...or in this case, one of those nights. im feeling a bit lonely and i dont know why.

i still cant get over what he did. geez...oh well. needless to say, i still feel like we need to resolve things but at the same token, i just dont give a flying fuck anymore. he apologized but it's hard to take back the pain and put together the pieces of my heart. i feel stupid for even forgiving him but hey, that's the way it goes. this is the last time.

spring formal is coming up and i cant wait. im just happy cuz the whole bon chon is gonna be there...and being there with bullet is an ultimate plus. he's gonna look so handsome...i know it....and we're gonna have an amazing night...i know it...i feel it...and i cant wait.

time to sleep...good night everyone.

2004-02-15T12:00:00.000-08:00

eargasm: karma - alicia keys
quotable: "i dont deal with liars and bitches, and you're both" -earl

wow...earl sucks. being called a bitch by someone who supposedly "loves" you? damn homie...you've got some serious problems. you think what i did the past two weeks is the "straw that broke the dinosaur's back"? well what you just said just threw everything we ever shared away. believe what you please because whatever i say to you is apparently a "lie". sorry to put you on blast but im tired of people feeling sorry for you just because you're blogging about all this bullshit and making me appear like some callous, nonchalant ex-girlfriend...or in other words, making me look like what you are in reality. im sorry, but weren't YOU the one who told me to move on? weren't you the one who told me to not wait for you? i dont know, earl...you're something else. i dont hate you...in fact, it's the complete opposite but it's not my fault you took it all for granted.

so you tell me you're leaving.
i didnt tell you to stay.
i wish i could take an eraser
eave no trace of today.
nothing left here to hold you back.
and we can't gain in a moment
what we've always lacked.
we kept playing these games
like we swore we knew the rules
walking the line we should've respected
then.
rejected.
dejected.
infected.
what once was untouchable is tainted.
ambiguous shadows overcame my light.
stained by crimson. torn by white.
it'll be a while.
but i'm willing to wait.
it's worth the wait.
infatuation isn't enough to compensate.
...won't suffice to recuperate.
one foot in front of the other.
northstar, take me home.
tonight, you and i are travelling alone.
yet by all means,
retrace the well-worn paths your fickle heart led you through.
because it's time you realize:

i'm not waiting for you...

thank you

YourMomandJeri: don't feel guilty about feeling good and being happy

i wont....anymore.

so fuck all that and goodbye to the past because it's 2004 and it's out with the old and in with the new.

valentine's day turned out better than expected. i thought i would have to spend it with my Lola because she's a bit lonely from the death of my LoLo Maning but she ended up to be okay and spent her time with her friends. i spent part of the day with my oh-so-cool cousins. they make me so happy...they're the absolute best. then i saw bullet and he brought me home-made cookies. aww...so sweet. then headed to jeuz's casa to watch the nba jam thing...then we left and headed to my casa and talked and talked and talked...it was fantastic...

so yeah...i just got back from church and had breakfast with my Lola. i do have to admit that this little predicament i have been cursed with is slowly eating my sanity but then i think of him and im back into my little utopia and the curse that was placed upon me vanishes. it's an amazing feeling.

well im off...ive gotta secret mission to fulfill. muahaha...have a great day everyone...yes, even you...the boy who broke my heart.

2004-02-13T07:30:00.000-08:00

eargasm: girlfriend - alicia keys

you guys should really download that song if you havent already...it's an oldie but goodie.

MSMC fashion show was orgasmic. my boys looked so damn sexy!! i cant wait till spring formal when they look like that WITH their hair fixed. it's gonna be so sexy that im gonna faint. hahaha...

bullet, val, raisa, and jp also came by lastnight. that's always fun. i got mad at bullet cuz he kept finding all these pieces for the puzzle and i barely found like two while he found a billion. what a pro...gosh.

after, the valley people headed home and the bon chon headed to dennys. even art came so that just made the bon chon outing even better. it was so Fucking Fun with a capital F. i love my friends...they're awesome. but let's rewind...during lunch, i had a great time also. jack knife? gosh..you assholes. hahaha...candy hearts with suck cock messages? GEEZ!!! why are my friends so orgasmically funny? i have no clue but it's never a dull moment with them =]

and at denny's, ken and i were talking and this topic came up and i got uneasy. haha...lets just say that my insecurities came back and i got paranoid all over again. DAMN YOU KEN! just kidding..you're sexy.

jeuz: (insert name here) is gonna kick (insert name here)'s ass
me: he'd never do that...thats like me saying im gonna kick ***'s ass...i'd never do it cuz i dont have a reason to
kris: yeah but (insert name here) could if he wanted to. he's so buff...freakin intangible and shit.

HAHAHAHA....i love them...

so i should be writing my english paper that is due at 10:00...i havent started. i have writers block...damn it...it's annoying me....and i have class at 9 toO. skjgfrjtkljrtksmwe!!!! wisdom, where are you?

i kinda promised 2 people i'd do something with them today...my mistake....so im gonna cancel on both and spend time with my cousins. yes...that is what i will do...or i dunno. whatever...maybe not. KEN knows whats up!!!

charles called me lastnight at like 2 in the morning being silly. it was COMEDY...but it's our secret so i'll leave you readers wondering. =D ooo...sexy huh?

okay okay...i seriously need to do my paper...have a peachy wonderful day, everyone!

2004-02-11T19:02:00.000-08:00

---edited at 12:55 am---

so i had a good talk with jer tonite. i guess we kinda bonded...and i told him some of my fears and insecurities about my situation with a certain someone. gosh...i seriously dont know what im so scared of...well i do but facing my fear is so difficult. i guess i'll take jer's advice when he said for me to not think so pessimistically when it comes to relationships in general. i'm slowly letting go of my fear and letting him in my heart...

my exclusive baked me cookies today and i felt so special...he's so sweet. i cant wait to see him again. we've gotta finish our puzzle!!! it's gonna be crazy!
---end edit---

eargasm: iris - goo goo dolls
quotable: "why is it you make me so happy when i see you?" -gerald

so i woke up this morning sweaty, nervous, and terrified. i had an odd dream lastnight. i dreamt my Grandma Marjorie was in my room and she stood there and told me how much she loves me. i tried reaching out for her but she vanished and then i woke up. it's been 5 months since my beautiful, radiant, and absolutely amazing Grandma Marjorie passed away. to this day, it still haunts me...oh god how i miss her so...

then i thought of Papa Livio and how his one year death anniversary is coming up. then i thought of Michael and how young and vibrant he once was...i still dont understand how God can take away the good people....it isnt fair...

so i was reading some old conversations i had from the past and this conversation struck me...

july 12, 2003
angela is spiffy: he called me extra baggage...
IM oN cLoUd 24: if youre extra baggage... tell him that one day, when he's looking for a darn blanket to keep his butt from freezing because he's ALONE and COLD, that he's gonna realize he left it in the extra baggage.

this was when earl and i had just broken up. it's funny how things work out in the end...

samantha...i miss you and i love you. you've been on my mind the whole day today. i hope you're doing okay and i'll be sure to see you this weekend....

so in other news, it looks like im going to the spring formal and i'm extremely excited. it's gonna be great...im gonna be there with my close friends and my exclusive. it's gonna be awesome...

i hate being angry. i hate people like you who tell me to shut up then just hang up on me leaving me to feel guilty. what's your problem? grow up man...im tired of your games. good night

2004-02-09T17:31:00.000-08:00

rest in peace Michael Cosme. so young and so treasured...today, the world mourns because we lost someone so precious and so beautiful...we will see you in heaven...

my dear Ajong...you are loved and will truly be missed...

today, heaven has gained another angel...

Michael Cosme
November 20, 1986 - February 9, 2004

picture provided by annalyn

2004-02-09T06:42:00.000-08:00

---edited at 8:46 am---

ive come to the realization that my happiness is his pain. just when i think everything is normal again, he comes along and makes me feel guilty for even living. thanks a lot, "best friend"...

---end edit---

eargasm: only one - yellowcard
quotable: "i'm yours..."
butt plugs: val, jer

so this weekend turned out to be great. chilled with the bon chon, then usual glendale gang, and then the valley people.

bullet came by yesterday and picked me up cuz we were supposed to go to church. he met my parents and so far, so goOd. so we got back to the valley but we ended up being 30 minutes late to church so instead, we chilled at his casa and waited for the rest of the boys [jeuz, wylie, abe, david, ken, max, john] to get there then we went golf driving. golf driving is pretty crazy. it was kinda funny cuz everyone there was really old and white and then here come a bunch of loud asian kids takin over the scene. fun times...after that bullet and i head back to his casa and he made me garlic bread. it was sooooo yummy. im gonna steal his "recipe" and make my own garlic bread at home now! muahaha!

bullet took me back to school and we decided to put this 550 piece puzzle together. that puzzle is just straight up crazy. i was going bananas just looking for the edges. geez! but yeah...our goal is to put the picture together and yeah...hehe...

so we spent the night by putting that darn puzzle together and talking. it was amazing. so the night soon turned into morning and bullet was supposed to leave at midnight but he ended up leaving around 6:15 . now he's on his way home to change then go straight to school. aww geez bullet...he's a crazy one!

sometimes, i think it's too soon but it's difficult to control your mind when your heart says otherwise. "it just feels right"...it does...it does.

well im off to do my take home test that i completely forgot about until i looked in my assignment book when bullet left. it should be easy...50 questions isnt that bad...have a peachy wonderful day, everyone!

2004-02-06T02:45:00.000-08:00

eargasm: when i fall in love - nat king cole
quotable: "i see you in my future"

so hello...my hiatus wasnt long. i decided to start a new blog because i figure, im starting over with my life and i might as well start a new blog as well. im gonna leave my old blog because thats the past and im in the present no longer dwelling on the past. im a changed woman. muahaha...

and in this blog of mine, i wont get too personal. i'll let you people know what went down for the day but my elaborating on my feelings are off limits...that kinda stuff is going on my real notebook that i keep (insert secret hiding place here). hehe...

i also added some pictures there on the side menu for you poor bastards who havent signed up for imagestation. and my tag-board is still there so tag away my friends!

tonite, i had a great conversation with bullet. he's amazing...he said things that left me completely speechless. and if you guys know me, you know that's a big thing cuz i always have sometime to say. but i dont know...it's just...different with him. i was just sitting there in complete awe and whenever i wanted to say something, i couldnt cuz i couldnt find the right words to help him see how much of a miracle he's been. ah...yes. enough of this...

and so tonite, i beat aldrich while racing on the freeway. wow...i was going 110 and it really scared me but the adrenaline rush was crazy! but i promise to not be a wreckless driver...ever! that was the last time...

i also caught up with sarah and she told me things that were goin down at my wonderful high school...crazy stuff. it was great catchin up tho. =]

hm...i should be doing my psychology paper because after all, it is due in about 6 hours...

well i hope you wonderful people out there like my new blog. im gonna sleep...good night